Delight (with an underlying bitterness)

Hurrah – on Sunday I completed my first half-marathon since I ran Broløbet last year on 11 June 2010 in a totally shell-shocked post-diagnosis but pre-treatment state. This time my mental state was definitely a lot better and supposedly my physical state too considering I had full-blown stage 2 cancer at that point and presumably I don’t at the moment. Frustrating then that it took me more than 14 minutes longer this time around, and that was me doing my best whereas for Broløbet I was taking it easy and enjoying the view. Compared to my personal best for half marathon (1:39:58) I was more than 21 minutes slower on Sunday – yep, you don’t need to be a arithmetical genius to figure out that that is a full minute slower per km.

Don’t get me wrong – I was overwhelmed that I finally managed to run a half-marathon, so much so that I burst into tears when I crossed the finish line. I’ve always loved half-marathons best out of all the racing distances and it felt great to be running it again. Plus it went well, I felt good and had no crises or strange pains or injuries underway. I just couldn’t run faster than I did. So it was a very mixed feeling. Delight at how far I’ve come since December, but with an underlying bitterness that I’m still not back to “normal” (hmm, delight with underlying bitterness sounds like a good chocolate – not that I’m fantasising about food or anything!).

For the lack of anything concrete to base it on, I think I probably imagined when I started out on my project Berlin Marathon at the beginning of the year that I would be back to something close to normal by now. How wrong I was! I wish at that point I had seen the information in the July 2011 issue of the US Runners’ World magazine which was dedicated to running and cancer (for those that are interested you can access the articles online here). Here I read that it is estimated that it normally takes about double the length of time you were in treatment to get back to post-cancer running form. For me we’re looking at spring 2012 then – still a long way off. I do try to be positive (and I think I am most of the time) but I can’t help but get angry about how that “healing” process totally devastated my body.

I’m still glad I started out on this mad marathon-running project though, even though it’s proving a lot tougher than I imagined. I believe that having Berlin as a goal has got me back on my feet much faster than I otherwise would have. However on Sunday I realised that I’m just not going to be satisfied when I complete the marathon, just as I wasn’t at completing the half-marathon. I’m going to be overwhelmed, and delighted and happy for sure, but I won’t be satisfied until I’m back in something like the form I was in before those Hodgkins nasties decided to invade.

Actually as a runner I probably won’t even be satisfied then, but at least that will be a normal kind of dissatisfaction!

Oh, and you might consider this an opportune moment to cheer me up by donating to my cause! http://www.betternow.org/projectskirstenejlskov

Marathons are also about food and clothes!

Wow, suddenly Berlin seems to be just around the corner – less than 6 weeks to go!

The good news is that I’m starting to feel confident that I can do it – as long as no disasters strike between now and then. My achilles injury seems to be history and I’m back to a more or less normal running schedule, though I’m still being careful and not overdoing it. Although this Sunday I’m planning to run my first half-marathon since Broløbet in June 2010 – just days before I started chemo. Wow, I re-reading that post just made me cry….. I can see how naive I was writing then that I was going to keep on running no matter what – and yet I did it!

I’m also busy with other marathon preparations that don’t involve my running shoes. Today I got my new running shirt for the big day! I have been told that wearing a Denmark shirt provokes lots of support from spectators at Berlin marathon. However I have been going through moral turmoil about whether it was appropriate for me a Scot to run in a Denmark shirt – though Denmark has been my home for 22 years. I ended up consulting my husband (Danish) and one of my friends (also a Brit resident in Denmark) and both thought it was acceptable, so I’m going to go for it! It helps that it is red – my favourite colour.

The other thing that is pre-occupying me at the moment is food! A runner uses more than 30,000 steps to run a marathon which puts a huge pressure on the knees. They reckon that for each kg you lose you not only reduce the pounding on your knees, but you gain 1-3 seconds per km which is really quite a big deal. The bad news is that at the moment I weigh more than I have done for years! For many years I have maintained the same weight +/- 1 kg. I even managed to do that through my cancer treatment despite my horrible eating problems. But since I finished treatment my new laid back personality has also had an influence on my eating. I still eat just as healthily as I did before most of the time, but for example on holiday I didn’t hold myself back at all! The result is I now have the same weight as always +3kg (though it was +4kg just after my holidays!). So now I’m trying to get rid of the +3 kg before Berlin, but it’s a bit of a challenge to do that while also training hard!

On the fundraising front I have now raised 3000kr! Thanks to those of you who have contributed. If you haven’t done so yet, you can click here: http://www.betternow.org/projectskirstenejlskov. It would be wonderful if you also spread the word to your network through facebook, twitter etc.

A close shave

No, I’m not talking about my body hair – though I must admit that more than a few times this summer I have thought longingly about last summer when it wasn’t only by head hair that disappeared and wearing short skirts was totally unproblematic!

No, I’m talking about the injury to my Achilles tendon during Etape Bornholm last week, which was a bit worrying with 8 weeks to go to my marathon, particularly considering that Achilles injuries are notorious for being difficult to get rid of.

Believe it or not this is in fact the fifth time I have planned to run a marathon, though I have only made it to the start line twice (and completed twice)!  The first time I signed up for a marathon was for Copenhagen in May 2007. 6 weeks before the big day I got an iliotibial band injury which I stubbornly kept on running on and not only couldn’t run the marathon, but couldn’t run at all for 2 months. I was pretty devastated, so when I decided to sign up for Copenhagen Marathon again in May 2008 I didn’t take any chances. That time I made it to the start line without any problems and had a fantastic marathon experience.

The following year (2009) I signed up for the New York Marathon. Training went well again that time, but 3 weeks before the big day I managed to get a stomach virus (thanks to a colleague who brought his sick kid to the office) which developed into a lung infection. I ran the marathon anyway, but definitely wasn’t in top form and it was a really tough experience and didn’t come anywhere near the new personal record I was after!

Still chasing a new personal record I signed up for Berlin Marathon 2010 (Berlin is supposed to be a fast course). Yeah – and then I got cancer!

Yep, I have only once managed to make it to a marathon without incident – and apart from once it has been totally outside my control! So you’ll understand my philosophy that actually standing on the start line is as much of an achievement as completing the marathon!

This time round a personal record is out of the question so my primary goal has simply been to make it to the start line without injury or illness, my secondary goal to complete the marathon and have a good experience and at the same time raise some money for charity. So last Thursday when I injured my left Achilles tendon, I wasn’t in any doubt that I should drop out of Etape Bornholm and stop running until I got some expert advice. I saw the physiotherapist on Tuesday and he said I had probably saved the day by doing that and reckons I should be back to normal training within a couple of weeks. Phew – what a relief! In the meantime he prescribed 3 x 20 mins running per week topped with unlimited alternative training plus some exercises for my Achilles. Yesterday I didn’t have any pain at all when I ran so things are looking good!

In the meantime I am now 100 kr away from the halfway mark for my fundraising goal! If you would like to be the one to tip it over halfway, then click here: http://www.betternow.org/en/projectskirstenejlskov

From chemo to Berlin marathon – July update

I’m just back from two very relaxing weeks’ holiday on the Danish island of Bornholm. OK, relaxing probably means different things to different people and many of you probably don’t think it is particularly relaxing to participate in a 5 day stage race during your holidays! However, Etape Bornholm is something special – the distance of a marathon, but run in 5 stages over 5 days at different locations on the island, including stages in the forest, on the beach, up hills and on flat roads.  For me the biggest challenge was running on 5 consecutive days – I never normally run more than 2 days consecutively and then usually one of them is an “easy” run. It was a challenge I actually didn’t manage to meet as I ended up dropping out before the final stage because my left Achilles tendon started to complain – so I’ll just have to go back and do it again another time! Regardless of that I can easily say that it was one of the best running experiences of my life: well organised and beautiful routes, and for some reason I was feeling great! Each stage is between 5 and 10 km, which aren’t my favourite distances, the pace is too fast so it hurts! Normally I spend races of that length longing to see the next km marker and arguing with a voice in my head that is telling me to stop and walk. Only this time that didn’t happen - each evening I got into a great flow and lost track of how far I had run, even though I can see from my watch that it wasn’t because I was taking it any easier than I normally would. I have a theory that my body had to put up with so many horrible and uncomfortable things last year, that anything else is a piece of cake now!

 Generally I haven’t been home much in July. As the month opened I was on holiday in Scotland visiting my family and friends there for the first time since before I was ill. I was also in New York for a few days for work, where I got in a few early morning runs in Central Park. I always love running in Central Park – there are so many people, even at 6am, the paths are like some kind of runners’ motorway – very different from the forests near where I live where I can run for ages without seeing another soul!

Travelling certainly hasn’t held me back from running then, as confirmed by this month’s statistics. The distance is looking good, but I’m not quite sure what the reason is for the rather slow average pace. Certainly all the beach and hill running on Bornholm last week resulted in a rather slow overall pace and the trip to/from New York probably took its toll too, plus since I haven’t been home I haven’t been doing my speedy track sessions. Whatever it is, I don’t believe that it is because my fitness is declining – at least I hope not!

Month	#km	Average pace min/km	Comments
April 2010	132	5:07	Typical month pre-cancer treatment
October 2010	88	5:54	Last chemo on 18 Oct.
November 2010	100	5:46	First radiotherapy 15 Nov.
December 2010	49	6:08	Last radiotherapy 8 Dec.
January 2011	100	5:53
February 2011	103	5:44
March 2011	47	5:43	Injured!
April 2011	113	5:27
May 2011	98	5:32
June 2011	147	5:17
July 2011	172	5:37

 Only 8 weeks to go now until Berlin marathon, so I also need to step up the pace a bit on the fundraising. Thanks a million to those of you who have already supported my efforts. If you haven’t done so yet, you can donate here: http://www.betternow.org/en/projectskirstenejlskov (and do feel free to spread the word to your friends and family!).

 

From chemo to Berlin marathon – June update

Per Larsen Copenhagen Marathon 2011

I saw an interview with Per Larsen on a chat show the other night – what an inspiring guy! For the non-Danish readers, Per Larsen was the Chief of Police in Copenhagen until he retired in 2010. He is also a cancer survivor and a runner, having run 19 marathons with the 20^th planned for later this year. Those facts are pretty inspiring in their own right; however it was his attitude in the interview that really thrilled me. He exuded happiness and an enormous appetite for life and described how he now lives in the moment, does not dwell on the past and only makes plans for the future to the minimum extent necessary. He also described how he has lost his tolerance for “complainers” which made me laugh, because it is something I have been struggling with myself! I smiled throughout his interview because it was as if he was describing how I am feeling! And it gave me hope that this feeling will last, since he his cancer was longer ago than mine.

The funny thing is that I know that not all cancer survivors feel this way – some people really struggle to get over it and rebuild a new life afterwards – and I’ve been wondering what makes the difference between those like Per Larsen and me, and the others. I suspect part of it is to do with personality, I don’t know Per Larsen, but I have been blessed with a naturally positive and optimistic personality which is definitely a huge advantage. However, I can’t help thinking that the running also plays a part. In another interview with Per Larsen he mentions two aspects of running that he believes have helped him. One is the fact that when you are running you work through and process your thoughts and feelings, and secondly that setting yourself running goals gets you back on your feet more quickly afterwards.  Those are psychological aspects, but research suggests that regular exercise can help against depression possibly through promoting the release of chemicals such as endorphins, so I suspect that this is another factor.

Well, I definitely believe that setting myself the goal of running Berlin marathon this September has been one of the main factors for me feeling as well as I do these days – for all the reasons I mention above. My training has gone well in June as illustrated below.

Month	#km	Average pace min/km	Comments
April 2010	132	5:07	Typical month pre-cancer treatment
October 2010	88	5:54	Last chemo on 18 Oct.
November 2010	100	5:46	First radiotherapy 15 Nov.
December 2010	49	6:08	Last radiotherapy 8 Dec.
January 2011	100	5:53
February 2011	103	5:44
March 2011	47	5:43	Injured!
April 2011	113	5:27
May 2011	98	5:32
June 2011	147	5:17	Happy!

 I should probably qualify the numbers a bit. If I compare to a typical “3 months before a marathon” month, I’m pretty much on track in terms of mileage, but I typically would be running a bit faster on average at this point – I reckon I’m still about 20 s/km slower than “normal”. The progress since December speaks for itself though so I’m very happy with how it is going! Even better I’m enjoying my running more than I usually do at this stage pre-marathon. I’m training hard and am very focused, but I’m also much better than I’ve ever been at enjoying my runs and achieving flow.

Six months and still in remission!

Pop the champagne – another milestone today: quarterly check up and all is well! And this time I managed to avoid having a total meltdown up to the appointment. Not that I didn’t have my hypochondriac moments (usually in the middle of the night), but this time I recognised them as being the symptoms of paranoia rather than cancer and was able to get them under control. This is definitely progress!

Nor did I give much thought to what I was going to wear this time around. I feel so fantastically well, healthy and full of energy these days that it no longer crosses my mind that anyone would think I was a sick person! In fact I did feel like a total fraud sitting in the waiting room today and almost considered telling the other patients that I have actually been ill!

I’m even more impressed that I have my paranoia so much under control that I actually asked the Doctor if my next check-up can be in 4 months rather than 3. In approximately 3 months I’m planning to run Berlin Marathon and if I was unlucky enough to get a dubious result from a check-up just before then it would totally wreck my plan to have a blast in Berlin.  Now I know that I don’t have to start worrying about my next check up until Berlin is well and truly in the bag!

Aaaahh life is good – let the weekend begin!

From chemo to Berlin Marathon – May Update

This Tuesday was 31^st of May – one year since I was told I had cancer. I’m not sure what the “normal” way is to celebrate such anniversaries. I suppose it depends whether, like me, you have been lucky enough to kick cancer’s a** in the intervening year, or not. At any rate, I celebrated the day by running my first post-treatment race. It’s not like I haven’t been able to run races (I did in fact run a couple while I was in treatment), I just haven’t felt like it lately. All of a sudden, though, I got my racing mojo back and signed up for my local annual 5 km race, Rudersdalstaffet, with start and finish line about 50m from my front door (that’s me with #1016).  I was pleased with the result – 25:13. It’s a long way from last year’s result which earned me a second place and it’s also a long way from my 5 km personal record (22:54 from 2008) but it’s a mega improvement on just a few months ago!

Otherwise, on the surface of things, comparing this month’s stats with last suggests that it hasn’t been a great month running-wise, but I think that’s mostly I sign that I’ve been focused on other things, in particular my travelling at the beginning of the month. At 3300m (and hilly as hell), Cusco isn’t the ideal destination for runners unless you’re there for longer than I was as part of an altitude training programme! I did make one feeble and absolutely knackering attempt to run, which turned out to probably be my slowest run ever! Thereafter I decided to have a little break from running until I got to Washington DC, which, on the other hand is a great city for running in!

So here is the overview of progress to date:

Month	#km	Average pace min/km	Comments
April 2010	132	5:07	Typical month pre-cancer treatment
October 2010	88	5:54	Last chemo on 18 Oct.
November 2010	100	5:46	First radiotherapy 15 Nov.
December 2010	49	6:08	Last radiotherapy 8 Dec.
January 2011	100	5:53
February 2011	103	5:44
March 2011	47	5:43	Injured!
April 2011	113	5:27
May 2011	98	5:32

 

So less mileage and slower than last month, but nonetheless  I think my fitness has improved – it looks like it if I compare the last week of April (23 km @ 5:26 min/km) and the last week of May 28km @ 5:23 min/km). And if we forget the stats and go by how I feel – I feel GREAT! I’m bubbling with energy and happiness and I love every minute I spend in my running shoes. It really doesn’t get much better than that!

Despite the fact that it is still almost 4 months until Berlin Marathon I have already raised 1,500kr for charity – thanks a billion to everyone who has made a donation (and if you haven’t and would like to you just click here. This month I was interviewed by a journalist from a Danish women’s magazine called Familie Journalen about my “running through chemo/training for Berlin” fundraising campaign, but I don’t yet know when it will be published. I will let you know when I do! If any of you have ideas or contacts that could lead to more publicity, then please let me know! The more attention I can get for the cause, the more money we can raise.

A related rather bizarre little story is that one of the Danish national newspapers ran an article last weekend about the phenomenon of women-only triathlons and chose to illustrate the article with the same photo of me that I have used on my fundraising campaign!  This photo was taken on the one and only occasion I took part in a triathlon which was in August 2009. Why they picked a photo of me out of all the thousands of photos of women participating in triathlons we will never know, but I guess I am flattered in some weird way! I almost feel obliged to sign up for an Ironman to prove I’m a real triathlete!

From the sidelines – Copenhagen Marathon

Although I’ve run two marathons I have never actually witnessed one from the sidelines before today. However, today was Copenhagen Marathon day, and I didn’t have anything else in my calendar, so decided to head into town and provide some moral support to the 12,000 or so runners.

It really was a bit of an eye opener! For the most part when you are running yourself you are pretty focused on your own drama and otherwise on the backs of those in front of you. It is a totally different story when you witness it from the sidelines and get to see the participants face-on and also get more of a big picture overview of the whole thing, from the leaders to those bringing up the rear….

I also learned some things that I think I can use when I run my next marathon on 25 September.

One of the main things that struck me was how many runners seemed totally tense and stressed – their faces and their bodies – even the first time we saw them at the 6km mark! There were only a very few at that point who looked relaxed and as if they were actually enjoying themselves, and if you don’t feel relaxed and comfortable at 6km I dread to think how you feel at 36! We saw some runners again at 29 km, some at 32 and some at 36 and it was the same story. Some were totally closed in on themselves and but others, although clearly tired, were smiling or waving to the spectators and you could see that they reaction they got back gave them even more energy. Interestingly it was the same pattern whether they were fast runners going for under 3 hours or those looking at a time of more than 4 hours 30.

I have no idea how I have looked during the two marathons I ran, but I have decided that when I run in Berlin in September I am going to make a conscious effort to relax and smile and interact with the spectators. I suspect that if you force yourself to do that even when you feel overwhelmed, then you will feel better and get more energy. Hmm, a bit like getting through chemo I guess! But then again didn’t I previously liken getting through chemo to running a marathon????

I was also very inspired by spotting two people that I either know or know of today. Both fitted into the category of those who were smiling and interacting with the public and both were totally inspirational for different reasons.

One was my trainer, Bjarke Kobberø, from Running26 who was running his 4^th marathon and had decided to experiment a bit by limiting the amount of training he did, eating a weird diet, running in a bright pink all-in-one and, most shocking of all, running the marathon today without a watch! I saw him 4 times and each time he was smiling and relaxed and still managed to run in a time of 2:43:27. Wow! Bjarke is a fantastic role model, though I’m hoping he isn’t going to force me to try any of his experiments in my training (OK, the pink outfit was quite cute…though not that practical if you need to pee…..).

The other inspiration was a blogger I follow called Sealegsgirl (have no idea what she is really called!) who I spotted at the 29km mark with her very cute pregnant tummy out in front. Yes, she was running the marathon today even though she is expecting a baby at the end of July! I have no idea what time she finished in (if she finished) since I don’t know her name, but she was looking happy and relaxed when we saw her – an achievement in itself! Go Sealegsgirl! You are really cool!

Well, if I hadn’t been looking forward to Berlin Marathon before I would be now! I don’t understand how anyone can watch a marathon without being inspired to start training for one! Gosh, I can’t wait until 25 September!

Up in the air

For the last many years I have travelled regularly for work, something like 80 to 100 days a year, to all kinds of destinations all over the world. That came to an abrupt stop with my cancer diagnosis last May. I had actually just been about to head off to Afghanistan for 4 weeks, which obviously had to be cancelled. Since then I have been grounded!

While I was in treatment I didn’t miss it at all. Dragging myself back and forth to the hospital was the limit of what I could manage, and when you feel ill it is a relief to be able to sleep in your own bed every night.

When I began to think about starting work again, I was a bit worried about how it would go with the travelling . As those of you who travel regularly know, it is an exhausting lifestyle and not at all as glamorous as others imagine – hours and hours spent in airports and on planes, sleeping badly in hotels, jetlag, weekends at home disrupted by arrivals and departures.  Although I felt ready to start working from January, I absolutely still wasn’t feeling 100% well.

However, for some reason I was extremely lucky, not only to have lots of projects land on my desk from 1 January, but projects that didn’t involve any travel in the first months! It has been great to be kept busy while at the same time have my strength return. Gradually, though, as my energy returned so did my itchy feet, and I was really looking forward to my first trip departing on 30 April, more or less 11 months after I had last stepped on a plane.

I’m now back from that trip: 12 days visiting both Cusco in Peru and Washington DC. It was an exhausting trip in many ways. 26 hours trip from Copenhagen to Cusco, 7 hours time difference, altitude of 3300m, long working days, then on to Washington for more meetings, before heading home again.  Yet I felt fine, and seemed to deal with all of it better than many colleagues. I also met a lot of people who I hadn’t seen for a year, some of whom didn’t know that I had been ill in the meantime. I was surprised how many of them spontaneously commented on how well I was looking! I suspect it is the new hairstyle, but no matter, it really was a boost!

My life and my health are definitely back on track!

From chemo to Berlin Marathon – April Update

April has been a great month for running! I seem to have successfully defeated the injury that plagued me in March and I’ve been able to see a measurable improvement from week to week which is really motivating. For the first time since I started cancer treatment I haven’t felt like I have just been hanging in there, but have been feeling great and able to really push myself. It’s a great circle to be in, because the more I push myself, the  more I improve, the more I improve, the more motivated I become, the motivation gives me more energy which allows me to push myself more and so on! All in all it is much more fun.

The focus this month has been on picking up my speed rather than running long distances – my runs haven’t been more than about 8km max, but I’ve been doing a lot of intervals and fartleg which I love. Particularly the intervals! And it works, as you will see in my progress table below. I’ve been running 4 times a week as well as hitting the gym 2-3 times a week for weight training and sessions on the cross trainer.

My biggest challenge has been the sun! Normally I love the sun and we’ve been having a surprisingly sunny April here this year. However I’m supposed to avoid sun on the areas where I had radiotherapy, which in my case is my entire upper body from chest to chin. It is a bit of a challenge running in the sun without getting sun on your neck and throat and I’m still trying to figure it out. So far I’m slathering on the factor 30 and wearing a buff round my neck but it isn’t ideal as the buff slides down and doesn’t really cover my neck/throat as high up as I really need. If anyone has any suggestions here, I’m very open to good ideas!

It’s now less than 5 months to Berlin Marathon, but I am starting to feel more optimistic that not only will I be able to complete the marathon, but it might be a half-way decent time. A new Personal Record still seems out of reach, but I haven’t entirely given up hope – particularly if I keep on improving the way I have been! Here is a summary if my progress to date:

Month	#km	Average pace min/km	Comments
April 2010	132	5:07	Typical month pre-cancer treatment
October 2010	88	5:54	Last chemo on 18 Oct.
November 2010	100	5:46	First radiotherapy 15 Nov
December 2010	49	6:08	Last radiotherapy 8 Dec
January 2011	100	5:53
February 2011	103	5:44
March 2011	47	5:43	Injured!
April 2011	113	5:27

 It would also be really motivating for me if you felt like donating to my campaign to raise money for the Danish Cancer Society (Kræftens Bekæmpelse)! Just click here: http://uk.betternow.org/projects/kirstenejlskov