First check-up

March 20, 2011

OK, well I did think I was getting on with my life and that one of my biggest worries was what to wear for my check-up, but I think I may have been premature……

Last Friday I found what I thought was a lump in my right armpit and immediately went into a state of total shock. Over the course of last week I managed to convince myself 100% that the cancer was back. When I wasn’t working – both to distract myself and to get ahead with my project since I was sure I would soon be starting chemo again – I was searching madly on the internet for symptoms of recurring Hodgkins or playing a range of different cancer related scenarios in my head e.g. what I would write to my clients, how I would deal with my son’s upcoming confirmation in a wig etc. etc.

By Friday morning when I had to head off to the hospital for my check-up I was so stressed I was feeling sick.

Well, it turns out it is nothing. The “lump” in my armpit is a completely normal lymph node. My Doctor was extremely sweet about it and said he would send me for a scan just to set my mind at rest (without my having to ask). Though I feel relieved already, even without the scan.

Afterwards I’m left wondering how I could have worked myself up into such a state – I’m actually left feeling a bit shell shocked. But then I saw a psychiatrist on the news explaining the symptoms of Danes who are worried about radiation as a result of the Japanese catastrophe. He mentioned all the symptoms I went through last week – including the mad searching on the internet for symptoms etc. I have to say this made me feel a lot better. If Danes can get into that state over a worry of getting radiation sickness, then my anxiety over my cancer returning doesn’t seem so mad after all!

But boy, was it exhausting…..

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